...but WHY?

The Graduates

2008-03-09T15:50:00.002+05:00

6th March, 08 - Telecom Batch of 2003-04, Graduates

Karachi Wildlife

2008-02-18T11:34:00.004+05:00

All in a days work for Aj, risking his life everyday, with countless cheels hovering over him and shooting past him.... alllll done to take some ruddy pictures of a telecom tower! A normal working day becomes an adventure ....

Note: Picture taken by Aj. himself

Lemon Chicken Rice

2008-02-17T20:02:00.002+05:00

... with macroni and fruit cream salad and tomato-pineapple sauce! :D
Another weekend, another dish :)

Just Desserts

2008-02-16T19:50:00.000+05:00

Satisfying the sugar-witch inside me, dieting's... not going too good :P

Nuclear waste .. heh, Coffee cream dessert

Chocolate Eclairs

Weekend Cooking

2008-02-10T19:36:00.000+05:00

The woman in me is waking up and I am actually enjoying weekend cookings with Sabbi... :)

Baked Chicken Chilli Pasta

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-01T16:49:00.000+05:00

Resolutions set for Sana F. :

"Thou shalt lose weight"

"Thou shalt learn how to drive"

"Thou shalt start praying and be thankful for all the good things in life"

"Thou shalt apply for USA visa"

"Thou shalt get a job"

"Thou shalt talk less, listen more"

"Thou shalt be a better friend and person"

"Thou shalt do something daring with hair :P"

"Thou shalt do all these things"

Note: Yes, I am referring to myself in second person.

Seasons In the Sun

2007-05-29T20:30:00.000+05:00

There are only three kinds of seasons here in Karachi - summer, light summer and extreme summer. No winter, nor Spring, nor Autumn. Well, actually, winter's when your ice-cream doesn't melt within 45 secs of purchase. Autumn is when you see a few dried leaves scattered here and there. And spring...well, you almost never truly notice spring. Here, seasons are either categorized by the calendar or by a few visual traits. You don't truly feel them. They're almost always too hot. Evenings and nights are quite pleasant though, with frequent cool breezes. If you notice the change, each season has its own charm.

There are plenty of things that you can enjoy during Summer as well. Nothing feels better than a cold, fruity drink and a dip in the pool when it's 46 degrees out (that's Celsius, mind you). A picnic on the beach feels great too - it is a weird combination of the sun warming your head and water cooling your feet. Personally, I like the beach most when it's clouded and windy. I guess water sports are the best way to cool off on a hot summer day. As a kid, the only reason why I liked summer was because we would get summer vacations, allowing me to come to Karachi and meet all my cousins, as well as go on picnics. Now we live in Karachi and everyone is so busy with their life that we don't get to hang out as much as we used to. Basically, I don't enjoy summers too much. The heat gets to me bad.

Perhaps it's the little girl in me, but I love stomping on the dry leaves in Autumn. The whole look of the orange, almost falling, leaves is awesome. And raking the lawn with slight wind blowing has its own charm. I'd love to capture that scene on film, but as I said, Karachi almost never has that.

Spring...flowers! So many of them, everywhere! Roses, pansies, DAFFODILS! I love daffodils - from their appearance to their smell! Pansies are funny looking. They're fun to play with too - dog flowers, as we sometimes call them. Roses. Honestly, I don't like roses all that much. But I like them in groups, and these certain kinds that get this awesome color, not the conventional red, white, etc., but a bouquet of red and white roses is just so princess like! :$ Heh. Dragonflies, butterflies, good cool weather, colorful flowers and their fragrance, etc. - all the things are what make this season so nice. However, I never thought that spring had a romantic touch to it. That'd probably be autumn or winter for me.

Winter. Loveee winter! The good thing about me is I feel the same amount of cold, whether it's 4 degrees or -14. It's weird, but that is how it is! So one warm jacket or my potato sack sweater, a pair of jeans and socks are all I need to keep me warm - hot chocolate too maybe, but that's besides the point. :p Winter has this very cozy feel to it, for me at least. I love snow! The last time I saw real snow was 5 years ago perhaps, when we were in Quetta. That wasn't too much. You would see snow-capped mountains, but not much snow on ground around you. Winters are best for that cuddly feeling and sweet romantic moments, in my opinion.

It can be any season, but rain, clouds and wind, and you have the best weather! I have some problems with the rain, but that is only because of the decorum that has to be maintained while being a girl out in the rain in public. I just love watching it and enjoying it as much as I can, in whatever way, which usually means jeans and a T-shirt and being near home. :P Karachi is so not equipped to handle large amounts of rain, and hence, it becomes a big nuisance! But in Punjab, even after days and days of rain, it's unusual to see any stagnant banks of water on the roads. Heh, for some reason, our house always used to leak, so that sucked :P.. And the light!....

More than rain, I enjoy the scene of lush green trees swaying with a strong breeze against a dark gray cloudy sky!

Ever felt that you can smell the season or a change in it? I have. In Punjab, you can see and feel the change in every season. Each has this specific smell! It's hard to explain, but it's like I would wake up in morning and almost feel it - it's in the smell of air that surrounds you. I know, I know, seasonal changes aren't so abrupt that you wake one morning and whoosh! It's winter... But it's hard to explain. Summers and Springs - I could Smell both. It's an amazing feeling that fills up the senses in this wonderful way. I miss that. I miss a lot of things about most of the places that I got to live in.

Seasons come and go, its like an 'endless' cycle. So in the spirit of that, I wont give this post an ending. Tada, hah!

*Winter and Autumn Picture by T.H*

Inner Monologue

2007-04-29T03:42:00.000+05:00

*Click*
Tuned-in to Channel Sanapple

"Is it a phase?"
I have been asked that so many times on so many occasions.

"Ohhh, photography? Is it a PHASE?"
"Ohhh, so you're cooking these days. Is it a PHASE?"
"Ohhh, so you've been reading a lot lately. Is it a PHASE?"
"Ohhh, so you're feeling down. MUST be a PHASE!"

The answer? Hmm...probably

Sudden impulse, sudden wish for doing something, sudden mood changes - all about "just a phase". For the longest time, Sabz and I have had these heart-to-heart conversations, going from topic to topic, trying to explain the unexplainable, trying to find the reasons behind the things we do or don't, why we have these extreme ups and extreme downs, why for no reason at all we feel high...

The answer: Just a PHASE.

After-thought: It'll pass...

Does it? Usually does.

Who doesn't need a break from a monotonous routine? Who wouldn't want to spend time doing something constructive, something creative, something they absolutely love? A lazy bum like me, that's who.

Is there a "passion" in life? Some kind of pursuit? Something you're chasing after? Some kind of goal? For me, not really.

Sad? Very! When's the time to change? Right about now. Want to take life as it comes or make it what you wish it to be? I'm wishing for latter, but working at the former.

My point? It sucks.

The solution that comes to mind? Find a passion, find a reason, a purpose, fire - anything! CHANGE!

Do I welcome a change?

Usually, I am quite adaptive to my surroundings. (Greatest advantage of spending 20 years in an army environment.)

But do I welcome it?
"It depends...Sometimes….”

Does it take time? Not really.

What if you don't want that particular change? Uh-oh.

Sometimes I want change. I want something that can make me go "oooh" or something that'll excite me! I love my friends, past and present, but I want to meet new people. Change my circle, explore new ones. I need a change of place too. That change is, I think, due to the constant movement associated with my dad being in the army. So I guess wanting that kind of change has become a part of me. I still don’t want to go back to that life - I'm not really equipped for it. We shifted from Malir to Defence. The shift - the moving - the change - I like. But this is on rent, so we want to get a house of our own. That'll be something new - more shifting - another change. It's something that's waiting for me in next 2 or 3 years - I like. Changing feelings? They're unexpected, but controllable? Maybe, but sometimes you just need to let nature take its course. Some things should be just left to the decision of fate. *read* - ’some’ things – ’few’ things!

Everyone's fate has been decided - agreed, but nowhere does it say that you have to sit in wait for fate to play its next move. Be in charge! Give it your full. If it still doesn't pan out, then maybe it's "not meant to be". Let go...

I don't let go of things. I don't rest until the matter is resolved. I don't rest until my questions have been answered, until the curiosity has been satisfied. Do I make a fool out of myself in the process? You have no idea! Is it a phase?

Let's define 'phase'. Something temporary? Something that'll pass? Something you won't give much importance to after its particular time is over. How long is the time? One week? Two? A month? A year? That is where the trouble starts. How long are you willing to let it be just a phase? If it's been there with you for as long as you can remember, yet from day 1 you've been calling it a phase that'll eventually pass, would it really? Is it really just a phase then? Or has it just become a part of me?

The answer? Who knows?

My point? Take control. Decide. Implement.

How much control? “Miana Rawi” Middle way! Always take the middle way. What's the good of being a control freak? What's the fun when you can control every breath you take and the reason why you're taking it? Why control emotions to so much extent that they just become a feeling and nothing more? I think anyone can come up with million reasons for why one SHOULD have control, so no point going there.

What's the fine line that divides assertive from dictatorial? Between confidence and arrogance? Between boldness and bluntness? Between straightforward and brutal?Would I go to the extent of imposing my will on someone else?

Would I like to be dictated by someone else? No.
Would I still do it? Probably.

Over confidence – My weakness and my strength. When I am over confident about something, I can actually see it happen. And once I can see something happen, feel it , I can make it a reality. On the other hand, it sometimes just kills me, I leave so many preparations that I would’ve done otherwise, overlook so many key points, and just be so sure of myself that I create a disaster. And the fact that this happens keeps me from being arrogant.. Because I know that though it can help me in making things happen, it can very well also jeopardize the situation too. So in a weird way, dangling between the two extremes, I have found a small yet significant – middle way.

"Wise is he who learns from the follies of others" The concept is not lost on me, yet my actions show otherwise.

Would putting your hand in fire burn?
Yes.
Have you ever been burnt?
Nope.
Will you still touch it?
Yes.
But it burns...!
I know but...ow! Yup, they've been right all along.

Stupidity on my part? More than you know. Can I change it? I guess not. It's too deep-rooted now.

Do I plan all my moves? No. Do I think about them? To the extent of over-thinking. Does it help? Usually never. I do the thinking for other people involved as well. About how will they perceive the thing, how will they react. Which leads me to assume a lot of stuff if it’s someone whose actions I can’t predict. Why do I need to think for others? Because people tend to keep things to themselves, and I hate not being prepared…

Why do I call my life monotonous? Do I go out? Yes. Do stuff outside house? Yes. Indulge myself in interesting things? Sometimes. I guess I characterize life to how it is at home because life in university is quite eventful. What have I done to change life at home? Nothing as such, but I have started to take up some projects, some things I like doing, maybe even love. Things that will require creativity, that will "keep me busy". Is it just another phase? Probably. "I get bored easily."

Yup, it all comes back to the point - Change.

However, I had this safety net. Change all that I might, I knew it'd stay there. By the end of the day, even on and off during the day - I'd come to it to feel comfortable, peaceful. I knew it, I loved it. It felt secure, dependable, constant, something that'll be there forever - all gone now. The aftermath? Chaos.

My optimistic approach to chaos? It's a CHANGE - a reason to start working, start kicking, put life back in order - taking control yet again. Do I feel any excitement? Any anxiety? There may be a mixture of the two.

On the other hand, the approach that should be avoided: "thun thun" - whining about it.

Traveling - I love traveling. Even though I have had very few opportunities to do so in the last five years, I know it's something I'll never pass on. Going somewhere new, exploring new things, finding new people always gives a sense of "Wow, eee" to me! I love it, even the stress of it.

Photography - definitely a phase, but I love it, and I want it to be one of those phases that go on forever and ever. Make it a part of me. I want to explore options. Am I good at it? Amateurish so far. But I have hope. I think I have the knack for it. Who knows? If telecom doesn’t pan out... :P

Telecom - what a rut. Yet every other person still tends to revert to it in the end – be it an electrical, mechanical or even a CIVIL engineer! Boon! Pbhhht! But I would still want to continue with it - technical or managerial, either way’s good. Then again, I am majoring in Telecommunications, so what else can be expected of me? (Plenty of things that I wouldn't discuss here :P)

I expect a lot from people, especially those who mean a lot to me. It's totally unintentional, but it's there. I have tried to change it a lot, but haven't been successful as yet. Expectations only lead to disappointments. Then again, it depends what kind of expectations you have - positive or negative. Sabz and I talked about that a lot too. Since positive expectations always led us to disappointments and since we couldn't STOP expecting, we decided we'd keep negative expectations instead. "Oh, this thing can never happen", "Oh, she'd never do this for me". It worked - when the thing didn't turn out the way we wanted it, we'd just say "Oh, we knew it'd happen." But in the long run, has it made me very…cynical?

I have always had this very bad habit of caring too much about what people think. I can't bear to imagine that I might be in someone's bad books, but then again I do know that I can't possibly impress the entire world population. That is never the goal. The goal is to either be in good books or in no book at all for the people who are around me. I will buy a present for someone I don't even LIKE, just so that he/she doesn't hold a negative image of me. Ugh, I hate this need for always having everyone's approval. Yet some parts of me contradict that entire behavior. I'll shout , I'll scream, I'll do all those things that people won't expect a normal girl to do - being extremely bold basically, without caring what people think of me…That is, as long as they keep their opinions to themselves. It's once they start spreading them that I start caring about what they think. It's super crazy I know. Haven't been able to find the balance between the two.

I am never worried about voicing my true opinions, though I do try to put myself in other people's shoes, so that I know how I'd feel if someone says something to me in front of others. But not too often, and I guess I tend to hurt a lot of people in the process of being blunt. So now if someone asks me what I think, I'll tell them without hesitating and will be as straightforward as possible. If they don't, I'll just keep my opinions to myself. Either don't say anything or say the truth. There's nothing worse than being a two faced person.

Time for a little *sar phooling*. I care for people a lot too! I let them unload their worries on me, whenever they want. I'll be their confidante, be their friend, whenever they need me to be. I might not even like the person, but the fact that they respected me enough to open up to me, gives me a reason enough to want to help them. I like the feeling that somebody can depend on me to be there for them whenever they need me to be. Though my frequent mood swings nowadays have created a big hurdle in that, I still try my level best to be a good friend. If I think I can make a difference in somebody's life, however little it maybe, I will go all out. Close friends say that I sometimes make other people's troubles my own. I do, sometimes, I guess. It irritates me as well, but as long as its something I like to do for my own sake too if not just theirs, I'll do it.

My point? This is how I am and I like it.

The End

*Click*

Dining-In

2007-04-23T23:57:00.000+05:00

White house: Potatoes with a base of chicken, covered with white sauce.

Traditional, Strawberry-Banana Split with my favourite wafers and sauce! Banana's hidden under the icecream.

Delish!

Devouring

2007-04-16T23:01:00.000+05:00

(8) Flames to dust, Lovers to friends,
why do all good things come to an end (8)

Lalalala lala lalaa

The Ant

2007-04-16T22:13:00.000+05:00

Lesson in Biology:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Arthropoda
Class: Insecta
Order: Hymenoptera
Suborder: Apocrita
Superfamily: Vespoidea

Roswell - New Mexico

2007-04-13T07:07:00.000+05:00

Crash site - Area 51 !

Roly-Poly

2007-04-11T22:27:00.000+05:00

1st Feb, 07 - Peshawar

Splash!

2007-04-05T17:33:00.000+05:00

* Golden Jubliee Post *

Jan 28th, 07 - Trip to Attock

Faces of the Moon

2007-03-24T18:03:00.001+05:00

Yes people! All the pictures of the Moon in this picture have been taken by meee! My first ever Lunar Eclipse! The first that I actually saw with my own two eyes :D. From the moment it was a big round ball, to the time when only its outline was visible. Heh, I was fascinated enough to watch the entire masking of the Moon, but not enough to watch the entire unveiling, so the last three pictures are the only ones I captured before I finally went to sleep :)

*Moment shared with B , through a phone conversation*

Waterworks

2007-03-23T14:43:00.000+05:00

All fountains are from Peshawar. Two on the side are inside Pearl Continental Hotel. Heh, for some reason, in Peshawar, there is a fountain on each round-about!

Ready to take the Leap Of Faith?

2007-03-16T19:28:00.000+05:00

Heh, and *plop*

....Répété

2007-03-10T22:18:00.000+05:00

I have posted similar pictures before, and though the clouds make a funky patterns in those, the rays captured in this easily beats all of them combined.

*Note: Took this picture while I was in a moving car, going from peshawar to Attok*

Apocalypse? - Nahh

2007-03-02T19:56:00.000+05:00

Serenity

2007-03-02T19:10:00.000+05:00

Fly Away Peter, Fly Away Paul...

2007-02-15T17:11:00.001+05:00

...come back peter, come back paul!
*Its a nursery rhyme people!*

Thing to do: *Count the birdies* :D

A Different Point of View

2007-02-10T21:09:00.000+05:00

I know what you did last Friday the 13th....

2007-02-10T20:05:00.000+05:00

*glare*

...I got my root canal, and you? ;) :P

*Beware: Serial Killer on loose*

Drops of Blue

2007-02-06T22:44:00.000+05:00

Snowball Effect

2007-02-06T22:28:00.000+05:00

Red Wine

2007-01-03T19:44:00.000+05:00

" Red red wine, you make me feel so fine
You keep me rocking all of the time "

" Red red wine, you make me feel so grand
I feel a million dollars when you're just in my hand "

Celebrations? I Think Not

2006-11-21T17:09:00.000+05:00

Hmpf!

Yup, this one word decribes everything. Hmpf Hmpf Hmpf! While I am at it I'll throw in a *pout* too....*pout*!!!

Exams in NED are supposed to squeeze the life out of you. This year was no different. 11 courses with 8 practicals. One after another, one more grueling than the other. Today's paper was like a cherry on the top (*dripping with sarcasm*). 8 sides of a normal A4 paper for JUST the questions! Half an hour out of three to just read the paper! waaan :'( Barely passing. I can kiss my 80% good-bye :(. But i got 92/100 in 'probability n stats'! woot! Pfft! 11 down, 8 more to go!

Uff, the starting of this year was amazing. Full of promises of happy, fun times anndddd, a trip to Dubai in December! I did manage the "fun times", happy got lost somewhere. Pfft!

Tch! If the owner was honest about not being the owner in the first place, I would have been shifting to my new red room with everything I chose for myself! And I would've been going to Dubai (my FIRST trip out of Pakistan! - Afghanistan doesnt count!) Parents would've been in less tension!

Everything sucks! I am fat. And my feet smell.

*Pigs out on pizza*

The Fray - How To Save A Life

2006-11-15T20:55:00.000+05:00

How To Save a Life
by The Fray

Lyrics
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

*Dedicated to all those who 1) Can relate to it. 2) Enjoy good music. *

Money Matters

2006-10-24T23:39:00.000+05:00

Eid's almost here. The first few things that come to mind when you hear "choti eid" are: New clothes, Mehndi, Swaiyan and Eidi. Unfortunately, no sawaiyan and mehndi for me this eid, but yayee for new clothes and Eidi!

Eid has changed so much over the past few years. Previously, a whole ten days before Eid, you could feel it coming - the bazaars, the stalls, the shopping. Now, five days before Eid, I saw banners for "Eid mela" and I was thinking, "Already?!"

I remember Papa (Grandfather), sitting on his sofa, with brand new one and two rupee bills in his hand. To me, he always seemed like a big Santa Claus, minus the beard. He'd sit there and one by one, we'd go to him and collect our Eidi. But there was always one part about the whole deal that every kid dreaded - the tickling. He would tickle us a whole lot, give us a kiss and only then would we get our Eidi of two rupees - a brand new purple colored bill. Woot!! Imagine the number of "Bubble Your Name" gums you could buy! And if you were lucky, you'd find one with your name on it and get another one! :D I remember one moment very vividly. [=))] I got "Win 2" on one of the bubble gums and when I received those two, I got "Win 5" on one of them! Best Eid ever! :P

Every Eid, my mamoo gives me Rs.100. Getting Rs. 100 back in the day was like hitting a lottery. I loved getting those, being filled with glee just by holding the bill in my hands. That happiness was short lived, though, because mum would always take them away - not like "Give me the money!" kind of way, but more like, "Beta, paisay gumm ho jain gay. Why don’t you keep them with me?" Big mistake!

I would buy new bangles, although I’d NEVER wear them. I would like getting intricate designs made out in mehndi on my hands. I would like waking up early and dressing up before Papa (dad) came back home from Namaz, so that I could give him a big hug and wish him "Eid Mubarak". Chand raat was an event to look forward to and on that night, shopping was a must! I would meet up with friends and go out, basically, having loads of fun.

Now, however, there is no looking forward to chand raat, no hulla gulla, no bangles, no dressing up early, though I still give papa that early morning hug. My love for mehndi has been reduced to something very, very simple with no designs too congested. This year, I didn’t even put on any mehndi. SO unlike Eid! Something I did do, which was so unlike ME, and is something I have promised myself not to do in a long long time, is spending four hours in beauty parlor! Yuck!

I got extra credit to call all my friends up, but nobody picked up the phone. Nobody. *hurt* But, thank you, B, though I forgot to wish you a happy Eid. It was a fun, fun talk. :D. The reason for it could be that for past 3 years, Eid has been coming during exam season…I don’t know.

Now even Eidi has changed! From two rupees, our worth has increased to twenty-five and from one hundred rupees to five hundred! :P Currently, the five thousand rupee bill is the largest one in Pakistani currency, so the value of the smaller bills is going down (for those eagerly awaiting Eidi anyway).

All this talk of bills reminds me of my first time 'earning' money. Yup, the good old times with the 'tooth fairy'. (Why I call it earning, I’ll explain later.) I knew from day one that there is no such thing as tooth fairy. I knew my dad always came and put Rs. 10 under my pillow. Some of my friends were aghast to hear of such a thing! To ease their young minds, they would say that “everyone has a tooth fairy and Sana has a tooth uncle”. How that made them feel better is beyond me, but hey, I’m not going to complain. Ten rupees! More than enough “Top Pops” in that money to fill my little tummy. Heh, eventually Papa found out that I knew he was my “Tooth uncle”, so he said he wouldn’t give me money any more since he didn’t have to care about "disillusioning" me. :P But since my dad is such a sweet heart, he gave me Rs. 5 instead of 10. Yayee for that too! Two bags of Top Pops! In a way, it was good that he found out that I knew because then I didn’t have to wait until bedtime to get my five rupees. I'd get it before going to school or to the park! :P I’d just go to him, hand in my tooth and say, "Here you go," and he'd take out five rupees!

Now why did I call that 'earning'? Because it wasn’t easy money! It required two syringes of anesthetics and lots of blood per tooth! Yup, all my milk teeth (ok, all minus three) had to be pulled out because they never fell off by themselves and the new ones would start emerging before then! I have had lots of trips to the dentist’s office! (To know where all that got me, read the previous two posts. :P)

So where was I? Yeah, Eid. Eid used to be uber-fun when I was a kid, not just because of all the reasons I mentioned previously, but also because there was a chance that we'd fly to Karachi and meet family. Now, we have a big 'family dinner' every year on Eid, but it’s nowhere near the same. Everyone is so busy nowadays that nobody lives up to the Eid spirit and it’s gone without any long-term effects. Hmm, I remember having a lot to say, but at the moment, it has all left me, so I am going to end it here.

Moral of the story: Things change. Eid’s changed, but one thing that has stayed the same in spite of it all is the sucky Eid transmission on TV. Twenty years and I haven’t seen a single good Eid transmission!

Tag, you're IT! :P

2006-10-19T23:58:00.000+05:00

Today: is a new day
Height: of khwari - filling this thing up
Color: blue
Piercing: doesn't hurt too much
Tattoos: are cool on back, heart and ankle! =))

Right Now:
Time: is bad
Mood: is thuss
Taste: is yummy
The weather: is hot
Bad habit: sleeping
Current crush: Orlando bloom
Biggest regret: none
Perfume(s): are good
Thing(s) I want to do: are too many to list/be truly happy for one

Favourite:
TV show: (s) are for non-sleepers
Book: (s) are good with pictures
Non-alcoholic drink: Pakola
Milk drink: mango/strawberry/ice cream shake
Brand: Nestlé (milk brand, right?)
Color: All colors, except magenta
Emblem: Wassat?
Perfume: 'Thanda paani'. Men's perfumes! Not too spicy!
Designer: me
Chocolate: (s) are my reason to live

Have I Ever:
Broken the law: Is that a piece of a decoration?
Misused credit card: The fake ones you get in wallets?
Skipped school: Nope, too big to even try. I have skipped over puddles though.
Fell asleep in the shower/bath: When a shower is 2 hrs long, I don't see a reason why not.
Had children: Yes, sent them off to boarding school and now I am enjoying life with my uber rich husband.
Been in love: Love has been in meeee (What? Being lame wasn't part of the deal? Pfft!)
Been hurt: Or been the reason of hurt?

Random:
Have a job: Yup. 'Online dating'. Sleeping does count, right?
My CD player has what in it right now: Spider webs
If I were a crayon, the color? Sky blue
What makes me happy? Cloudy day, smell of french fries, squirrels, good fun conversation with friends, and strangely, talking to myself.

When/What Was the Last. . .
Time I got a real letter: Which letter? a-z?
Time I got an email: Two hours ago
Thing I purchased: Mobile credit
TV program I watched: Lost
Movie I saw in the theaters: The Chronicles of Riddick/Spiderman
Time I hugged: 10 months ago
Song heard: Sister Hazel - Your Winter
Place I was [besides home]: College
Phone call: Shez
Time I was depressed: You're kidding, right? :P

What Comes to Mind When I Hear...
Car: Porsche
Murder: Mystery
Cape: Town
Cell: phone
Shoe: Shwe
Fun: -ny
Crush: shave-ice
Music: No good without you, baby, music's no good at all(8)
Love: is crazy
Chalk: White and icky

I am thinking about: Good times
I said: that
I want to: sleep
I wish: for ice cream
I miss: many people
I hear: love songs
I wonder: how it would have been ...
I regret: nothing
I am: wonderful
I dance: funny *hop hop bop ble bop bounce bounce bob*
I sing: horribly
I cry: a lot
I am not always: nice
I write: terribly
I confuse: people
I need: you
I should try: everything new
I finish: late

(Tadaaa!... I don't see a point to this though.)

*Note: This blog post has no thought put into it. I just put down the first thing that popped into my head when I read the questions. So NOW I realise, that I haven't answered anything that has been asked. E.g., 'Favourites'.. There's only one thing left to do now, "meh"! *

Dentist, Root Canal And Me - Part 2

2006-10-13T21:03:00.000+05:00

I posted a site for info on root canals, but didn't bother to go through it myself. Turns out, one sitting is not all it takes for root canal. It takes 3-4 per tooth! The first time around, they gave me anaesthetics, so by the time they died out, all pain had subsided and I didn't feel a thing. But yesterday... Oh boy! I didn't cry, I didn't scream, but I could've scratched someone's eyes out. I just clenched my fists and prayed that my mum comes and covers my ears. It's a childhood thing, but one that's lived on. I am more scared of noises than the actual scene, covering my ears and screaming helps to decrease the pain (or maybe covering the ears came from the fact that my screams are pretty horrific), I don't know. I wanted to scream, but I didn't want to act like a girl! (OK, OK, act too much like a girl!) Then I'd gloat about it, feeling so proud, telling others that my procedure was painless because everyone I know who has ever had it done, complained about the horrifically unbearable pain. Heh, I should stop believing the "I am a special little girl" bit. :P Saturday is going to be another painful day. Enough to make me consider getting the other one extracted!

A friend asked me if I cried and I told him that I didn't. I told him that I am a strong girl and I don't cry over everything. Heh, wrong. He has seen me cry over trivial things and seen me bear the most difficult ones. It's crazy, actually. Small things make me want to cry while big things make me want to "be strong". It's the same thing as how I find difficult subjects (difficult for most) easy and the easiest subjects, difficult. Maybe the reason is that I give too much importance, either to little things or big things, I can't decide which right now. But it's the importance factor, I think. I really don't know.

Sometimes a small thing like missing a pen can make want to cry and throw things about. I have a lot of "nakhras", but I am not crazy. Usually when people see me crying over small things, it's not actually the thing that's making me cry. More like snapping, when pent-up emotions reach the top of my emotional pitcher.

I cry when my anger reaches its peak because when I am the most angry is when I am also the most helpless. Helpless because I know I can't break stuff nor do something about the situation. I am not very rational when I am angry. Crying while angry is actually a good thing because it kinda calms me down. Or else, may God help you.

I am quite short tempered. I get angered easily, but I also calm down quickly. It's like when I am angry, I'll show it, get it out and it get over with. It's the exact opposite when I am sad or hurt. I don't know which is more dangerous.

A month or so ago, I came up with something called the "Approach". The main idea behind it is that I am not supposed to open up, speak my mind or be blunt in most situations where I would normally do so, in front of people who:
1) don't know me, or
2) were ever so judgemental,
basically saving myself the load of trouble that "speaking my mind" brought me. But then I took it to another level. I used the "Approach" on friends too and though I didn't really miss out on much, I hurt plenty of my good friends on the way, friends who know what kind of a person I am and who truly care about me. Though I may not always open up, I would like to say to all of my friends, "Thank you so much" and "I am sorry for being selfish". I have been more open recently and it seems to be going fine, so I'll stick with it for a while and see how things go.

This blog post was supposed to start from my dentist's appointment and end on how I am strong, yet not so much, but I rambled and got a little off. Anything to avoid studies, I guess!

(Today while writing the date on my exam paper, I noticed it's "Friday, the 13th". If I was superstitious, I could've blogged about that. I am not. :P Oh, but black cats are wicked, broken mirrors bring bad luck and walking under a ladder can make you fall in the gutter :P *rolls eyes*)

Dentist, Root Canal And Me

2006-10-05T14:21:00.000+05:00

As a child, whenever someone mentioned root-canal I used to think, "hmm, how cool would it be to have canals made inside your mouth, have canals instead of roots! So that even the inside of your tooth can feel the yummy sweetness of choco". I thought that they put mini pipes inside your skin making "canals". (Was so mistaken!) As a child I also used to congratulate myself to have the healthiest of teeth of all (apart from the braces deal) , considering the amount of sugar I used to take on hourly basis.

Well, all that changed a year ago. I got two cavities, between teeth, and not inside one! So I still say it wasn't "keera". Occasional pain was normal, but my fear of the dentist always used to get the better of me and I never went to get it checked. (Big mistake!). Plus with university, I never got time, bunking one and two periods is fine, but entire day? I think not! (*ehem* it was basically the dentist reason:$)

Finally I got the time (and the pain became unbearable), so I went and got it checked. HA! one hell of a lecture on choco intake! They treated and treated, filled, un-filled, gave loads of medicines! All in vain. Root canal was inevitable.

Instead of "canals" instead of roots, I have one dead tooth, waiting to wear its "crown". I didn't feel a thing. ( Anesthesia is a blessing). I still don't feel anything, apart from one heavy mouth. My lower jaw and part tongue's asleep. (So if I post a voice recording of this post, it's be like... "thoo the phaainn itthntt theree athh yeett" *tissue for cleaning the spit* Gross I know :P)

* Side note:- 'th' = 's' *

The dentist is officially the scariest doctor. The tools! Weapons of mass destruction. Had my eyes closed tightly shut,and fists clenched, throughout the procedure. If only the sound of the tools grinding my teeth was bearable! (wasn't!), ears are still ringing with the noise. (Prep-ing myself for nightmares - more reasons than one). The poked and they poked and they poked! They had pins, 100s of them, (actually quite cute, colorful and all) , they pinched and they drilled and blowed and they sucked the saliva out!

Finally after 45 mins of grrr,zhhinngg,teeennnn,khrich khrich, the procedure ended. One cotton bud to hold the filling in and one heavy mouth to bear for rest of the day. Would it pain? "You might feel 'discomfort' but it should not pain while eating hot and cold, oh and you aren't supposed to eat for a while" *mental punch* , I was almost tempted to ask "please explain your definition of 'discomfort'. MY lips feel so weird, I can bite them and puncture them and I won't feel a thing! (*thinks* hmm, how would a lip piercing look?) After a day and night of sniffs, tissues and headache, It's actually a relief to have a painless surgery. Who knew that root-canal would make me feel "better", in more ways than one.

Still waiting for the swelling to go down to check if the "discomfort" is bearable or not. I am not crazy about studying, and to find excuses, for not doing it, is easy to do. But to be handed such an excuse in a surgical tray! I think I'll pass. Ooh just checked the cotton! It bled too, still no pain :D!

*Appointment on Tuesday to make sure all's well*

*Sponsor: Medicam toothpaste, instant relief for 2 hrs, put on teeth and feel free.*

Ignore the last post, was just checking if I can post through email, I can, and thankfully too, beta.blogger's blocked, for God knows what reason. *mental curse*

For other misguided kids, choco does ruin.

Root Canal

A messed up x-ray of my teeth, (its old, i dropped coke on this one,so they wont let me have the new):

Why do people lose out on friends/people?

2006-07-30T10:14:00.000+05:00

By choice or forced to?

All my life i have been travelling all over Pakistan, meeting all kinds of people, Nice, Fun, Sweet, Witchy , Boring , Annoying , Uptight... etc. Making plenty of friends, losing out on few.

I have had so many friends that its hard to keep count {figures, when u have yto change schools after every two years, or twice in one year, and no.. i was never Kicked out! :P }

.. and to keep in touch. Simply because your life starts revolving around all these new people, and unless you
1) like writing emails
2)Be on IM 24/7
3) Have a free phone :P

You cant really keep up with whats happening in someone else's life. Which eventually makes you run out of things to talk about. Does that make you a bad friend? Not necessarily. Friendship, like every other relationship is a two way thing... you put in some, you get some. {am i saying its conditional? Maybe , or maybe not... depends on how you looks at it}

Those are normal friends.. then we have "Best Friends". No matter how many years it has been since you last talked, whenever you start again, it seems as if u just had a conversation with them yesterday! You never run out of things to say, and with every word uttered, you are reminded strongly of why you became best friends in the first place. :)

*applause for Tee, Bee, Ash, and Sabbi {they have not been mentioned in order of preferrence, rather.. rhyming? :$ } Special mention of K and Aj who have been my amazing friends over the years in NED :) - Thankyou all :)

There is another category of Best friends... which kind of contradicts what i said earlier, but... those are one-way best friends, it could be either you are their best friend, but to you they are just "really" good friends. Khair, the main thing would be the respect you have for one another. And if you take the person for granted or not.

There are people who look for "everything" in one person, and then there are people like me, who, though, DO look for that one person :P... they also know that every person / friend in their life brings something new.
You could have one friend for sharing ur secrets, or one for just hanging out, one to help u in studies with :P or one you cant live without {yes yes thatw as just for the sake of rhyming :P} But you see my point?.. its like u can have a huge circle fo friends who can provide you with different things u need {emotionally?} and u can do the same for them. Now to have a person that is made of all your other friends combined... well.. that can cause troubles if person is of opposite sex, and ofcourse.. if you are straight :P {see where i am going?}

I think i have lost track of the topic, i was never the one to have arranged thoughts anyways....

Haan... so why do people lose out on people? ... I dunno!

So it begins...

2006-07-26T18:31:00.000+05:00

Why is the world round? Why did the chicken cross the road? Why does daffy have his own show? Why did Fred marry Wilma? Why are Scobby and Shaggy so cool??... but whyyy???

*ehem*?

The question is.. Why people blog? If they want to post their personal thoughts.. then.. they should redefine "personal"?

A friend of mine, "Bundar" uses his blogs to upload pictures... taken from camera.. or Drawn!... and posts his own compositions... Neither i am that creative nor that patient, i dotn even own a digital camera... so "Why" should I blog?

He keeps telling me i should get one, i dont see the reason why.. lets see what i do with this...

Am I sharing "personal" thoughts?